It's pretty simple.  Veebs at her Iverb blog decided to be cleaver, or clever , as the case may be, but not as cleaver as Olivia Wilde that is, and created a word, which by the way, she doesn't even know the meaning of.  And the word is chiffian.  Serially?  What kind of a word is that?  Chiffian.  Sounds like chiffon.  Which of coarse (course) is just a fancy dress that fancy people where, wear.  They also have a tendency to create fancy hair styles and or wear them as the case may bee.

So this really got me thinking.  I should have a little fun with her.  I am of course much more cleaver than her, and if you actually search for the word, chiffian, what you end up with is a whole bunch of results with chiffon in them.  Which means that it basically skcus to be the word chiffian, if you want to have good SEO results anyway.  Because everybody is going to Miss type it when they enter it into a search engine, and even if they don't mistype it, all they will get back is chiffon dresses, and funky, funny words like gossamer.  Which I kind of like.  As far as words go that is.  Kind of close to Gomer.  As in Gomer Pyle.  But you are probably two young to know anything about that. BID.

And what I have just Dunn is mad it (well, made it anyway) much worse.  Because now if anyone tries to search for Chiffian, not only will they get Chiffian from our blogs, but they will get mine with a bit of an extra boost, above hers, because I also use the word chiffon.  Which the spell checker just latches on to and makes life just great for me, and well, not so great for well, you know whoo, whoo.

What a Gomer.  I just love picking on Veebs, Iverb, or whatever she is calling herself these days.

So what does this have to do with Olivia Wilde, Cowboys and Aliens?  Or even chiffon dresses?  Well, I am glad you asked.  But before I splain it to you Lucy, let me give you an example.

Cool.  An Inoun example!

Geico did a wonder full marketing thing when they created the gecko.  Or geeko as the case may be.  What they did was create an association, not unlike our Home Owners death association a while back, that people can relate two.  In fact, the brilliance is that if people are looking for car insurance, but they can't remember the name, what do they search for?  You guessed it.  Gecko insurance.  And what do they get back?  Geico.  Or geeko, or maybe even this blog (I seriously doubt it).

And it works.  Very well.

Back to our original thread.  Basically, we (the three of us, me, myself, and I) have added a number of phrases over the months associated with Olivia Wilde.  Why Olivia Wilde, we don't really no.  But it seemed like the thing to do at the time.  BID.

Anywho, Olivia Wilde wore a chiffon dress to some fancy smancy thing a while back, and since then the word chiffon seems to be so tightly woven into the fabric of most search engines, it seemed like a wonderful way to make fun of my cousin Veebs.  Let's tie them all together now.  Chiffian, chiffon, Olivia Wilde (Ella), in the movie Cowboys and Aliens (alians) wears a chiffon dress and doesn't have a bob hair cut like in the movie Tron.  The movie has a lot of death to aliens in it, and they don't have good associations with SharePoint hair, just green going green blood.  And Harrison Ford.  Not the car Ford, but the actor.  And he is no Fat Boy to be sure.  And Olivia Wilde's hair was great in this movie as well.  Just like in the movie Tron.

What we have just done there, is tie a bunch of words and phrases together, well, associated them for search results anyway, like home owners associations, that might actually make sense to a movie going, Fat Boy fat burning, hot furnance, hot gold hot Olivia Wilde, hair crazed, Ella, chiffon dress SharePoint search loving wingnut.

Don't believe me?  Just try a few of the word phrases mentioned in this article, at the same time, and see how often yours truely, el nino Inoun comes up.  When in doubt, throw an Inoun, chiffon, Iverb, sharepoint, wingnut or BID in for good measure.

Later geeko.

Yes, that is what my cousin wrote about.  Veebs....  tsk, tsk, tsk.

Did she even look up the word?

So if you go look up the word chiff, you find a few nice definitions, and a few not so nice ones.  So what to do, what to do....  What to do....?

I guess I will have to teach her a bit about creating words that show up nicely in SEO.  Midup.  Now that's a word!  Or take for instance the word xyzzy. If you just tried to pronounce it, you probably don't know what punch cards are either.  Children, children, children.   And you think you are geeks?  Nerds?  Really....

And you clearly don't even know what it means.  Xyzzy that is.  It is from "THE" first computer adventure game ever created.  Nowadays, we call them "first person" games.  Okay, still don't know what I am talking about?  Think WOW without all of the graphics, ***, money, and other garbage.  And no controller.  Just a keyboard and, well, words.  That's it,  green, yellow, or blue text, a keyboard, and your brain.

That's what games are all about.  The adventure.  The story.  The words.

Xyzzy.  Now that is a classic made up word.

Take Google.  Yes.  Then take Shakespeares.  Yes absolutely please do.  They have become completely irrelevant.  The Shakespeares, silly.  Not Google.  What did you think I was saying?

And to prove my point, I will give you a very simple example.  One even you crazed SEO competitive freaks out there will love.  If I said something like, "Google shan't find anything", you would first shake your head, because you have forgotten what is really important, and then you might ask yourself, "self, what is he trying to say?"  And if you did, then you would probably go back to playing your video game, link stuffing, or checking your email.

But if you didn't, and you actually asked yourself, what does he mean by all of this?  Then you might actually learn something new today.  So here goes.  A rare moment of learning brought to you by none other than Inoun himself.

The word shan't is an old English word that means shall not.  Not unlike, "can not" means can't or "are not" means ain't or "may not" means, main't.  Not really, but my son asked me this question the other day and I had to tell him what maint mint ment.  Really he did, I am not making this up.  He said to me, "Dad if 'can not' means can't, then what does 'may not' mean?"  So I did the only thing a search engine father could do and said, "main't".  Bid.

So if I said to you, my only reader, that, now quoting from old english scripture, or as some say, shake a spear at it, I might say something like, "Google shan't find anything!"  But that would probably be right after I said some other rubbish like, Shakespeare really was a pretty funny guy.  BID.

https://www.google.com/#hl=en&q=%22google+shan%27t+find+anything%22

If you were to click on the link above, you would quickly see how irrelevant these things have become.  I mean really, how hard would it be for Google, or shake a spear, to actually use the English language the way it is supposed to be written?

And if your Google works like mine did, well you know, I have to say this because, not all Goggles are created equal.  You would quickly see that not only did Google not figure out what I meant, but you will also see that they also ask me, "Did you mean, 'Google can't find anything?'"  Which is not what I was asking for at all.  I wasn't even asking anything, I was saying actually.  Or as the kids would say, "Just say'in Dad."

Amazing how SEO and search work.

And low, what ho, behold, my dream come true.  Google shan't find anything.   (well, except for the things that are really important)

:-)

But what is worse is that many owners don't figure this out until the problems start.  And there are all kinds of problems.  But it starts with people choosing with their eyes instead of doing what is right.  Don't get me wrong, these dogs make great pets.  They are loyal, generally trustworthy, etc.  but I do feel for them sometimes.  Why would you intentionally create a host of problems just because someone thinks that it is cute?  Or profitable.

And so it is with search SEO.  Anything for a buck.  Let's do a little link stuffing.  Or how about a bit of spam?  Hm?  How about messing with keywords?  Oh that would just be perfect.  Things that are actually important to society, increase wealth for everyone, get pushed down the search results because some marketing guy thought it would be so cool.  Or "cute".  This is one of those cases where greed is bad.  Mostly because the real cost is delayed.  And anytime you delay or defer costs until later, or to someone else, it always ends badly.  Usually for the someone else.

"But Inoun, it's jusbiznezz.  Don't take it so personally."  Well, that is true.  But I really do wonder how these people live with themselves.  Brachycephalic dogs and Search SEO are not that dissimilar.  Both look pretty at first, but after a while, you see how damaging it all really is.  Not all, but many of these so called search SEO marking companies twist, turn, and mess up the face of the Internet.  And it creates a variety of problems.  Legal, expense, and hurts people.  Usually the companies that resort to this type of low life activity are also the ones that are willing to hurt kids.  Think about it.  If you push someone else' results down the list for no good reason, you are literally stepping on them.  Climbing over them and thumbing your nose at them.  And you don't seem to care about kids either.

Don't believe me?  Think about this:

Little Sally loves to play dress up at home with her friends.  Because it is fun to play "grown up".  So one day she sits down at the computer and types in: "Grown up clothes".   Luckily Bing does a pretty good job of filtering out all of the filth that is out there, but inevitably some SEO marketing company thinks it would be so cool to cheat the system and make a quick buck.  And hurts kids.

Whether it is the latest fat burning scam, the marketing of M rated games to children, or trying to manipulate the Internet so that you can make a quick fat burning buck, and then walk away, and never look back....

I urge you to reconsider your life, the words you choose, and the proper use of marketing in your life.

Drink and write responsibly.

Us dogs have feelings too.

Then another random thought pooped into my head.  What is there that has no weight or volume?  Well, hm.  I know!  Diputs SEO companies.  Absolutely no value what so ever.  Pure marketing fluff.  Kind of like eating a marshmallow.  It's bad for you, gives you that empty feeling and is mostly just sugar.  Nothing of value.  Not unlike the unmentionables at the Fat Burning Furnace scam.  A lot of empty pages, all saying the same thing, but in the end, you walk away with that kind of empty feeling inside.  Almost as if someone skimmed all of the cream off of the top, and all they left you with is skim milk to put on your hollow empty crispy rice serial.  Just plain nasty.  And don't tell me you don't know what I am talking about.  Remember, statistics are on my side.

So where are you going with this Inoun?

I am glad you asked.

Well, it's about statistical combinations.  Picture this for a moment.  SEO companies keep cranking out garbage that nobody really wants, and pretty soon, the entire Internet has turned into, well, the "stay puffed marshmallow man."

The only thing that even closely compares with THAT, is bloatware.  And you know what I am talking about there.  Software that is so big that your computer litter Ali cries when you turn it on.  You know that sound it makes.  Most tech guys will tell you it is a fan that is going out, or a bearing on the hard drive that is whining, but I still stand by my original story.  The computer is crying.

Serially?  I figured it out this morning.  Some of you may be a little young for this, but you used to have to swap floppy disks in and out of the floppy drive to install software.  Yes, this was before flash drives, dvd's, cd's, or vinyl records.  For some reason, the opening scene of 2001 a Space Odyssey currently comes to mind.  In other words, long before your time.  My daughter found a brand new box of floppies at the place she works, bought them, and gave them to me a couple of days ago.  I have them sitting right here.  BID.

Do you know how many floppies it would take to install my video driver?  186.  I can just see it now.  The boss says to me, "What happened last week?  Why didn't you get more billable hours?  Hm?  Hm?"  My answer?  "I was installing a new video driver on my machine.  There was a security issue, and the IT guys forced me to do an upgrade."

To read the average floppy used to take about 2 minutes.  So that would mean it would take you just over 6 hours to install an updated video driver.  With the quantities of security updates coming out every day, it's a wonder we get anything done at all.  I can just see it now, "Hi honey, how was your day?  Oh fine.  What did you do?  I installed a video driver, and was forced to install the latest Flash update, which comes out about every 3 hours on any given day.  Really, how's that workin out fur ya?  Well, being an engineer, I went out and bought a pet monkey, trained him to swap floppies, left some rice crispies and skim milk on the counter for him, and he is swapping the disks as we speak.  I am hoping to start on Adobe's PDF Reader tomorrow."

But to add insult to injury, I went and looked at the actual size of the video driver?  You know, the one that actually displays the stuff on the screen?  12MB's.  The rest apparently was created by the legal, accounting, and marketing departments and the fine SEO scam fat boys at the fat burning furnace.

But don't worry about it, it's just a little phlegm.

I was reminded the other day of a joke / definition of an ex-pert.  People around here will sometimes call me a Search SEO expert.  Almost as good as the well known scam, the fat burning furnace scam.  And it makes me giggle.  Well, not like a school girl or anything, but kind of a snicker anyway.  On the inside.  Kind of like, I am laughing on the inside.  If you know what I mean.

In case you have never heard it, it goes something like this.  We all know what an ex is.  A has bean.  Like ex-wife, ex-con or ex-accountant, etc.  A has bean.  And we all know what a spurt is as in, "the engine's oil hose spurt oil out of a leak under pressure."  A small or large drip even.

So if you put the two concepts together, the next thing you know, is that people are calling me a "has been drip under pressure."  There you have it.  Clear as mud.  Or also, as in, when a politician speaks.

And it got me thinking the other day as I listened in on some manager bean counter types the other day.  Where does the word expectation come from?  We are always talking about it.  If you have ever worked on a project managed by anyone, who sometimes, pretends to be in charge, you will have wondered the same thing.  It is a word that is so misused and abused, not unlike other MBA speak words that brainwash the pure, innocent, and unsuspecting MBA graduates.  You know them.  Fur shure, like, you know you would understand if I had instead said something like, "the new synergies created by this dynamic, forward thinking, leadership team of bright, unsuccessful bean counters, will create a cohesive and non-coherent strategy, of ground breaking, worldwide, and renouned teams filled with work life balance and marketing cohesivenessnessness garbage the world has never before or here to fore or yet to has been have seen...."

Sigh.

Anyway,  BID.  After about the 2^32 times of hearing the word expectation in just the first five minutes of the first meeting of the day, I decided that I didn't really know the real meaning of the word expectation.  As it is with most of these things, "THEY" usually mean the opposite of what "they" are really saying.  It is kind of like an unwritten rule you learn in MBA schools like Harvard or Yale.  You know what I mean.  Kind of like when the Rocky Flats Site in Colorado, after many, a many, o many crazies tried to end their ex-istence, by sending a thousand attorneys (and their renowned, forward thinking, leadership, law "suit" briefcase toting and associated progressive wingnuts after them)....  Anyway, they renamed "the site", after many years of wrangling to the "Rocky Flats Environmental Technology Site".  Or RFETS for short (how do you pronounce that anyway?  Raae-fet-s?  Kind of like, Boba Fet's, but probably a lot more dangerous than that cynical, psycho crazy killing machine of a man of Star Wars fame.

So it got me thinking.  What does expectation really mean?  Well, as is the practice here at Inoun-dumb, we are going to explain it in very simple terms.  Terms that probably even a bean counter (or two, combined), might even be able to understand.

Well, if you haven't figured it out yet, ex means "has bean."And as engineers, we all know that a spec is a document that describes the world, or a very itty bitty part of it, in extreme detail, that nobody actually builds to, pays for, but in the end, ex-spec-ts you to accomplish on half the time, and with half the budget.  And of course asking you via IM, email, and the random cell phone call at 2:00am, "are you done yet?"

So where am I, the not so great, Inoun going with all of this?

I have no idea.  Hm.

That leaves me with the last part of the word.  Tation.  As in ci-tation (a ticket for those of you in business or law school.)  This one took me a while to figure out.  It is a very rare, earth metal, not unlike the ones found buried at rocky flats somewhere, very dangerous, that can not be used or understood by the average bean counter, MBA or project manager.  And not in that order.  It is a little tricky to understand.  And since this blog entry has already gone on way too long for any "sane" (think opposite of) the above folks here to a fore mentioned unmentionable individuals and their attention spans to be able to grasp, and since we have already lost all of them to more synergy and forward thinking endeavours, I am going to speak to those few of you who are left.  The engineers.

Tation comes from (and I am completely making this up, although the facts are pretty close) the Greek speaking Assyrian who wrote transl-ations of various parts of the gospels and for all intents and purposes, over time, the texts have changed, been "updated", by creative marketing, project managing, bean counting, scholars, and attorneys of the day, to make them so useless, and utterly absurd works that are now, quite possibly equivalent to complete works of fiction.  If you don't believe me, go look it up.

And so it is with ex-spec-tations as well.  They are "has-been" specs, as in Ex-Specs that were never followed, managed, or paid for.  And they are now complete, and utter works of fiction.

Get over it.  Start over.  And tell the customer.  Because the sooner we do, the sooner we can get started on the real project, get it finished and under budget.  But until then, until we are honest, we will be, "managing, synergistic, rigorous, forward thinking, diputs, and of course fictional expectations."

They say pictures are worth a thousand words.  Well, I am not a fat boy or a fat burning furnace.  Nor do I look like Olivia Wilde's pictures.  I am also not a Google search or Bing search expert (unless you define ex spert as a has been drip under pressure).  And I also have no idea how the Bing search algorithm got non-sense words into Bing search results via a google engineer.  But I have been doing this a while, and I can see, quite possibly, how it could happen.

I wasn't going to write another article on this, but a rabid reader made a comment on a previous Inoun blog entry and he wanted me to read the original article again.  So I did.  Top to bottom.  Bottom to top so to speak.  Pictures not included.  I also looked at the number of people who were still interested in this topic and decided that it might be helpful to our Inoun rabid readers if we turned this into a learning experience.  How search works.  How to SEO.  Learning SEO, etc.  I don't know that anyone will ever read it, you know the whole lone man / blog in the woods thing, but in the off chance that someone might actually read this blog entry, here goes....

To the only person in the whole wide world reading this.  First of all thanks (I think).  I also think that the fundemental disconnect in all of this Google steals Bing search results (sorry strike that reverse it) is really the problem of click-throughs and toolbars.  I personally think that the whole idea of a toolbar clickthrough tracking is a really bad idea.  For a hole lot of reasons.  In a nut shell, if you allow yourself to be owned, used or abused by a toolbar, google, Adobe, AOL or any of the other toolbar leaches out there, you are just asking for trouble.  And this is the kind of trouble that these toolbars  create.  Always.  And they're always a really bad idea.  Have I made myself clear?  Bid.

So why are they such a bad idea and what does this have to do with Bing stealing google search results?  Well, everything actually.  Most people don't understand this about toolbars, but what they do is simple.  Very simple.  Let me explain it this way.  Have you ever tried to work on your computer when a coworker, family member, friend, foe, fiend or boss was looking over your shoulder?  Well, a Google toolbar is just like that.  Watching your every move.  Taking notes on what you are doing, looking at every skin blemish, picture, photograph, feeling you out, top to bottom.  It's not unlike what occurs about 2 million times a day by the TSA at every airport every day.  And they want you to "feel" good about it to (no pun intended).  The tool bars that is.  Well, I guess the TSA does as well, because they have these new really happy ads helping you feel good about your proctologist.  Kind-a creepy if you ask me.  Toolbars.  We are talking about toolbars here folks!

So anyway, this toolbar watches your every move.  And then somewhere in that great unknown Internets cloud out there, there are a bunch of code bots (think bean counters) that collate, count, integrate, obviscate, bloviate and "feel" you out on every little thing you did.  "I wonder why he did that?  Why did she go to that site?  How many times did they visit that site?  How many other people are there out there that visited that site?  Why is the sky green and Kermit the frog blue?"  Anyway, you get the idea.  And as usual, the bean counters get it wrong.  Just because someone clicked on something doesn't mean that it was what they were really looking for.  And just because a million people click on something about an Olivia Wilde bikini doesn't necessarily mean that a million people are right.  Or left as the case may be.  It doesn't mean a thing.  The only thing that it means is that, well, a million people clicked on it.  That's all.  If all your friends all jumped off of a bridge, as mine often did, does it mean that I am going to?  Well, I didn't, but in the search world, apparently the bean counter bots think that it does mean that you will jump off a bridge.  Just like your friends.   So, if I were dumb enough to write a search engine or blog that watched what everybody searched for and then clicked on, pretty soon I would be out of business.  Because everything would eventually lead back to Britney Spears or Olivia Wilde.  Hm.  Maybe that is why I am righting a blog write now and not out inventing the next cool I Padded you down touch device for the TSA.  BID.

So what happens is that the bean counter bots somewhere in the great unknown cloud decided that tarsorrhaphy, hiybbprqag, delhipublicschool40 chdjob, juegosdeben1ogrande, and a variety of other diputs words might be interesting and related to odd and never searched for before things like Britney Spears Bails on Enrique Iglesias movie tour or wild Olivia Wilde files for divorce pictures on the O.C Alpha Dog Tron cereal movie.  Stuff like that.  Eventually if you get enough people to click on stupid things, like this blog, well, pretty soon the world is a mess.

And also why Google currently thinks that Bing stole their search stupid results as well as Olivia Wilde's bikini pictures.

To be honest, even if you do read the last one, this one probably still won't make any cents.  Nice midup Inoun.

Irascible.  I worked with a guy the other day that read my blog, and I was reminded of another conversation my youngest had with his friends.  <midup>Well, I guess I should be glad that he has friends with good intentions.  There are two words that come to mind after this conversation.  Bonzomps and irascible.  That was what they were talking about.  Bonzomps is a made up word which will have to wait for another time, but irascible isn't.  </midup>

So this coworker was a bit irascible about the whole blog.  Even though he knew that all of the misspellings were intentional.  And mostly, he mostly had a certain kind of irascible pain come over him every time he read a misspelling.  And it kept him from enjoying the article or blog in general.  Even though he new fur sure that it was all intentional.

Werwy interwesting, Inoun said, with his hand on his chin staring up to the left and into space....  My bloog sometimes creates irascible behaviors.  So I guess an Apollo gee is in order.  I hear by apologize to anyone offended by my offensive spelling or absurd grammar and use of gram her in the blog.  I mean it.  I really do mean it.  This blog should be completely ignored like most of the other useless Internet twitter content out their.  But please, what ever you do, don't ever be off ended by what I right.  That is just not write.  And is, well, never my in tent.

But I was still surprised.  There are people out there who just can't get over how badly I spill and because of it, they can't enjoy the blog.  So I had to lighten up the mood by telling a couple of new stories.  And it helped, so I will tell them here as well.  </midup>

I am still amazed that a bunch of twelve year old boys know the meaning of irascible.  To tell the truth, I had to go look it up.  Impressive in deed.  But at the same time, it almost impresses me as much as my sister in law.  You C,  the misses, my misses, started a blog a long while ego, and one of the first comments was from my sister in law.  She said the funniest thing.  And it was probably one of the grate test's things I have ever seen written in a blog.

Anyway, my point is this.  Please don't be even the least bit irascible about anything ever writ tin in my blog.  Even if it does off end your sense abilities.  That is never my in tent or intent as the case may be.

So what did she say that was so funny, and what was my reaction?

She said, "I just wrote my first entry.  I can't believe it.  I am a blooger."

I laughed.  I laughed so hard.

And then I said, "ew, yuck"  or is it ewe yuck...

After, of course, I looked it up.  Just like you are going to do or already have done did write now.

Later.

Joe,

While I do agree with your passion and sentiment.  Especially about me being an idiot, the whole Bing steals google search results is not so clear.  The best way to explain it is this.  If I write stupid words in a blog (which I do all of the time) and google crawls my blog, I know that these words will show up in the search results.  So is google stealing my content?  Well, I guess, but nobody ever thinks about it that way.

On the other hand, if I hire twenty engineers to type in garbage words (which we enter here all of the time as well), and then they show up in the query completion field as people type words into the search box, then Bing/Google are "stealing" those words, but nobody considers this stealing either because "words" are free.

If I point my search engine at Bing and return all of the results as if I created them, then that is stealing and most people would actually consider that stealing as well.  So that really is stealing.

Also, if I capture clicks when people click on a link.  Is that stealing?  Hm.  Yes.  But most people don't complain about it other than for privacy reasons.  Not because it is "stealing".  Just like words, I am capturing clicks.  So if someone comes along and tracks what people are clicking on while using a competitor's search engine, is that stealing?

But that wasn't the point of my article.  The article was about how and what google was suggesting.  My problem was that they were implying that the Bing search engine is pointed at google.  The third paragraph from above.  And basically "stealing" all of their results.  Which they clearly are not.  The real question is.  Can or should a company capture clicks from people while they are using a competitor's search engine.  That's the question.  But before you answer whether that as stealing, I would think about all of the companies that capture clicks out there and about everyone and everything that they are doing.

I don't have the answers.  I am just suggesting that it is not as easy as creating a press announcement lying about what a compeditor is doing and just saying that Bing is "stealing" search results.  Because that is a lie.   Some would argue that analyzing Google search results is stealing and I could see that point of view, but there again, there are thousands of SEO companies that do that every day.  So it still isn't clear to me specifically.  But it isn't "stealing" results as google was implying.

endquote

And that's that.  You tell me.  Is Bing really stealing search results by capturing what people are clicking on when they search using google?  I would really like to know.  Comment away.   I have not ever deleted a comment, and have always published what people say about the blog.  And I intend to keep doing so.  I do reserve the right to delete anything that doesn't discuss anything about the blog or is illegal, etc.  So have fun.

We'll leave the seat up for you.