So you want to perform this formatting in your store procedure? And on top of that add the headers?
Yeah, someone who is really good at SQL, and who knows no other languages may do something like this. While I'm good at SQL, I also know Perl, and Perl actually has some good reporting support. And even if Perl would not fit into the environment, I would still try C# or Python. Or simply try to find someone know knows an appropriate client-side language or report writer to do the job.
Because, SQL is absolutely the wrong venue for this task. SQL is a great language for retrieving data, with lots of filtering, grouping etc. But formatting is best done elsewhere.