Hi Kayher,
Really sorry for the trouble caused by this issue. I could fully understand the frustration as the issue has affected your daily work. Appreciate that you share all the methods you have tried.
It seems like you have tried all Office related troubleshooting steps but still cannot open Office apps and the error code persists.
Per my research for the error code 0xc0000142, it happens may be related that system files are corrupted or missing,
you may run System File Checker
to troubleshoot the error.
Some users having the same issue shared that issue doesn't happen when they perform a clean boot on Windows. A clean boot can help you determine whether a background
program is causing the issue. So for troubleshooting, you may also have a try:
How to perform a clean boot in Windows.
In addition, you may also try to use a different user account to log in Windows and see if you can open Office. There is a possibility that the user profile you are using is corrupted.
If the issue still happens, I would like to confirm information below to help you do further troubleshooting:
1.Please provide a screenshot of the error code.
2.What is the version of your Windows OS?
3.Can you open Office apps before? If yes, what changes happens before this issue starts to happen? Windows update or did you install any program on the computer?
4.I'd like to confirm the current version of your Office. Please open Control Panel>Programs>Programs and Features, capture a screenshot of your Office product as below:

@SgMansell,
we are sorry for the trouble caused. You may also try the troubleshooting steps as shared above and check the result.
Besides, if issue persists, please also share the information as requested including capture a screenshot about your Office version from control panel.
Thanks a lot for your time and effort on this issue.
Best Regards,
Tina