Remove Windows 8 Metro and add Start Menu?

Hello. A friend of mine got a new laptop for Christmas, and it has Windows 8 pre-installed. After a few hours of tinkering with the system we've both become incredibly distressed by the changes to the windows experience. So, what I'm looking for is the ability to add a start button to the desktop, remove the metro interface entirely, and also disable the start screen. I'm nearly furious that these aren't functions that users can enable/disable. Forcing users to work with your new interface because it's more "Intuitive" which is exactly opposite it's intention. I understand the concept behind the metro screen. It's an attempt at making everything more convenient, and accessible, with a custom application layout. But, removing the option to create your own user experience is incredibly limiting. Why can't an operating system for once, just allow users to pick what goes where, how those functions act, and why?

I should also add that I am absolutely not willing to pay for a third party application to bring the most basic of functionality to this operating system. Is there a registry key I can remove, or edit, to accomplish any of this? And does anyone know of someone at Microsoft I can contact directly about my concerns? I'd actually like to have my concerns heard somewhere where it matters. User to Developer. The way it should be.