Hi Kim, my name is Neil, and I'm an Outlook user like you.
I'll be happy to help you with your question.
To do this, you need to make sure you are connecting to your mail server using either Exchange or IMAP (not POP3) on both your laptop and your phone.
These methods sync what's happening with the email on your server. So, like you want to achieve, if you're looking at your email on your laptop, and delete a message, this will also be deleted on your phone....and vice versa.
This is because both methods provide a window to the emails on the server, and whatever you do on one device is subsequently mirrored on the other device. Even if you create and send an email on one device, this email can then be found in your Sent Items folder on the other device.
Please check your account settings on both your laptop and phone and make sure you are connecting to the server using Exchange or IMAP.
Kindest regards,
Neil