The Show Taskpane button not appearing in the ribbon could be due to a few different factors. Here are a few things to check:
Make sure the code that adds the button to the ribbon is being executed. You can add a breakpoint in the code to see if it's being hit.
Verify that the button is correctly defined in the manifest file for the add-in.
Check that the manifest file is properly installed in the correct location. You can verify this by going to the "File" tab in Excel, selecting "Options," then "Add-Ins," and finally checking the "Manage" dropdown to see if your add-in is listed there.
It is possible to open the task pane automatically when the user opens Excel, but it does require explicit user interaction the first time the add-in is installed. Here's how to do it:
In your manifest file, set the "RequestedRuntime" attribute to "1.1" or higher. This will allow your add-in to use the "AutoShowTaskpaneWithDocument" feature.
After the add-in is installed for the first time, the user will need to open it manually by clicking on it in the "Insert Add-ins" dialog. Once the add-in is opened, the task pane will be displayed automatically whenever the user opens a document associated with your add-in.
Note that the user can turn off the "AutoShowTaskpaneWithDocument" feature at any time by going to the "Insert Add-ins" dialog and unchecking the box next to your add-in.