This chart still applies on how Exchange picks a certificate for transport:
https://techcommunity.microsoft.com/t5/exchange-team-blog/how-transport-selects-certificates-for-tls/ba-p/593741
Essentially a 3rd party cert is preferred over a self-signed cert and it must be valid and not expired.
You can verify which certs are set to USE SMTP with Powershell or EAC.
Powershell prob the easiest.
Get-ExchangeCertificate -server <server> | select thumbprint,services,notafter,subject,certificatedomains | where {$_.Services -match "SMTP"} | fl
This will show you the certs and their associated subject domains.
If the FQDN set on either a receive connector or send connector match those subject domains on the cert, then Exchange will use that cert - preferring a valid 3rd party certificate as mentioned above.
You can verify which cert is being used by looking through the protocol logs for a connector.
Enable logging and then open the logs with a text editor to view:
For your first question: https://practical365.com/exchange-server/remove-ssl-certificate-exchange-server-2013/
Yes, you can use that article.
Hope this helps!