IIS reset on clustered IIS 10 Servers

Question

I'm hoping there is an answer for this but not hopeful.

I have 4 servers with IIS 10 running Decisions version 7. We are finding out that if you restart IIS on these servers is takes so long for the App Pool to stop that there are issues during a restart. We end up with 1 server that starts fine and the other 3 do not start up correctly and return HTTP 500.3 errors. When I restart them manually setting "iisreset /timeout:60" and running the sequentially using Powershell they all restart fine.

The problem is that we have "Patch my PC" running on the network and set to push out Security and Stability updates. It's configured to not restart the server. However, we are seeing a restart of IIS during .Net Core updates. That we end up with is us coming in the morning after and finding 3 of the 4 Production servers down because an update was pushed. Don't get me going on it not being monitored. That's a whole of bag of worms.

What I would like to know if there is ANY way to configure IIS servers to either come up sequentially, or pause a specific period of time to let the other servers restart. An example is to set one to restart after 60 seconds, another at 120 sec, etc. Am also open to other suggestions if you have them. Thanks in advance!