What Good Listeners Do

I found this list in an email a friend sent me last year. Made me think...and then decide to share. Much I can personally learn from his but several people I know who need this too :)

Good listeners:

  1. Probe for clarification
  2. Listen for unvoiced emotions
  3. Listen for the story
  4. Summarize well
  5. Empathize
  6. Listen for what’s different, not for what’s familiar
  7. Take it all seriously (They don’t say, “You shouldn’t worry about that”)
  8. Spot hidden assumptions
  9. Let the individual “get it out of his or her system”
  10. Ask “How do you feel about that?”
  11. Keep the individual talking (“What else have you considered?”)
  12. Keep asking for more detail that helps them understand
  13. Get rid of distractions while listening
  14. Focus on hearing your version first
  15. Let you tell your story your way
  16. Stand in your shoes, at least while they’re listening
  17. Ask you how you think they might be of help
  18. Ask what you’ve thought of before telling you what they’ve thought of
  19. Look at (not stare at) the individual as he or she speaks
  20. Look for congruity (or incongruity) between what the individual says and how he or she gestures and postures
  21. Make it seem as if the individual is the only thing that matters and that they have all the time in the world
  22. Encourage by nodding head or giving a slight smile
  23. Are aware of and control their body movement (no moving around, shaking legs, fiddling with a paper clip)

Good listeners don’t:

  1. Interrupt
  2. Respond too soon
  3. Match the individual’s points (“Oh, yes, I had something like that happen to me. It all started…”)
  4. Editorialise in midstream (“Well, that option’s a nonstarter.”)
  5. Jump to conclusions (much less judgments)
  6. Ask closed-end questions for no reason
  7. Give you ideas before hearing yours
  8. Judge you
  9. Try to solve the problem too quickly
  10. Take calls or interruptions in the course of an individual meeting (It seems obvious but watch how often it happens!)

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